What is the Mile High Club?

It’s not the same as the Frequent Flier Club. The Mile High Club is a term used to describe people who have engaged in sexual activity while up in mid-flight, either with strangers or travel companions.

Pros of joining the Mile High Club

• Makes the flight more enjoyable and keeps you occupied when the movies get boring
• Can meet new people
• Can boast to whoever will listen afterwards that you’re in the Club

Cons of joining the Mile High Club

• If you’re in the bathroom, it’s a bit cramped and you’ll keep people waiting outside
• Some flight turbulence could ruin everything
• Might be awkward when you return to your seat

Famous Mile High Club members

• Actor Ralph Fiennes
• Richard Branson
• Janet Jackson
• Countless others

Can I join?

Yes, there is an actual Mile High Club that you can join and share your stories. Or take a Mile High Club charter!

I got to San Francisco airport at 2pm to find it had been canceled altogether.

“Oh, that flight’s been canceled,” announced the man who I was trying to give my check-in luggage to. “You’ll have to change your flight at the ticket machine.”

The ticket machine said that no flight would be available until tomorrow. “But I have to fly today,” I told the machine, realizing I was talking to a machine but struggling to follow my own advice on this blog by remaining Zen and avoiding Airport Rage.

Then a lady shouted, “Anyone with a canceled flight should line up at Desk 16!” Trouble was, the line didn’t move. There was a long queue and one person at the counter who couldn’t do anything.

People were getting angry. Some seemed to have Tourette’s. They all complained to each other how inconvenient all this was and how their situation was more pressing than everyone else’s. “I have to be there,” they said simply.

Soon the cellphones came out. “Agent! Yes! I want to talk to a person!” they cried to the United answer service. “I have to be there,” some said simply. Some made it on to other airlines and flights, and passed on details like betters with inside tips. “Try Delta… I made the 6.15.”

Other people got disconnected and transfered to other operators who were confused. There were some tears. Those who made it to the front counter were raising their voices to dangerous levels.

Luckily I made it to another airline, but my ticket looked strange, like it had been booked at the last minute. I was treated with deep suspicion. Mysterious symbols were scrawled on my ticket in red. I was told to wait behind a fence. My laptop was swabbed and I was ordered to step into the Explosives Check Machine, which hissed air at me.

The flight left three hours later, but I could still make my transfer in LA. However, upon arrival I encountered a two-hour check-in queue. There were two staff to check in hundreds of people on two Air New Zealand flights, although they had devoted three staff for the Business Class lines. People’s Tourette’s sprang up again. “This is a SHIT service!” blustered the man in front of me. I hung my head, ashamed of my national airline and dog tired of airport gloom.

Somehow we shuffled forward one by one, then ran like athletes and made it onto the flight. We took off at 10pm Sunday night, Monday lasted 30 seconds as we crossed time zones heading west, and we landed at 6am Tuesday, stiff-legged and lugging our cases out into the crisp, early morning sunshine. Free again.

But there are ways to pass the time more enjoyably.

• Get access to airport lounges via club memberships
• Find a great book. You’ll be so absorbed you’ll forget your surroundings
• Surf wi-fi via your laptop, watch movies on your PlayStation Portable, or play with your new iPhone
• Listen to the announcements – you never know what you might hear
• Browse the shops and find the silliest souvenir
• Read the paper and catch up on the day’s news
• Chat to the person waiting next to you, if they want to be chatted to
• Enjoy one of the rare times when it’s acceptable to do nothing. Reflect on the miracle of air travel

Don’t:

• Lose track of time or forget your passport and ticket
• Forget to label your luggage, especially if it’s black like everyone else’s
• Freak out when your flight’s delayed. Happens all the time. Be Zen about it

Related Sites:

Sleeping at airports – When your flight’s delayed and you gotta stay, be prepared

How to kill time at airports from eHow, with user comments below

Got kids? Use some fun airport activities

How do you make airport waits bearable?

Tips below via Forbes.com, MSN.com and my friends.

Do:

• Ask. It’s worth a shot. Ask for each flight you take, but don’t be demanding about it. If they say no, move on.
• Dress nicely. Showing up with a backpack and dressed in rags won’t help you assimilate with the business elite.
• Travel alone. You’ve got a way better chance.
• Be a nice person. Your good nature just may get you a reward.
• Join the airline’s frequent flyer club. Especially if it’s a smaller airline with fewer members. This is the way I’ve done it in the past, but be warned: they only accept upgrades via points on a few flights so it’s not flexible.
• Getting there early or very late can help, apparently, though I would never recommend risking missing your flight.
• Research your plane on Seatguru.com. An essential site for travelers.
• Be flexible. If you don’t mind where you sit, or being bumped to the next flight if the first one is full, you may get a seat in Business.

Don’t

• Have a heart attack or fake an illness to get put up-front. Not worth it.
• Whine. It’s lame and it won’t work.

I fly economy, because I don’t have $10K to throw at a booking agent for a seat wider than 10 inches. But I am quite the veteran of long-distance trips (I’m a New Zealander, meaning any flight is long-distance) so below I share my top 10 ways to make your 12-hour flight in Cattle Class slightly better.

1. Sleeping pills
Some people are adverse to taking drugs and/or are worried they’ll be groggy afterwards. I’m not a drug pusher, so don’t take them if you don’t want to. But this is by far the number one way to get through a long flight. And if it’s an overnight flight, you’re not messing up your natural body clock. You can buy pills that won’t put you to sleep but ensure you don’t sit bolt upright when the guy next to you knocks your elbow. I usually find that 1/2 is enough.

2. Noise-cancelling headphones
They are not cheap, but if you’re a frequent flier these headphones are a good investment. They cancel out the roaring of the plane, the screaming baby, the chatter and everything else. If you can’t afford them, get some $3 earplugs, at least.

3. An inflatable neck pillow
I never fly without this. When you start nodding off, your head lolls to one side. This pillow catches it before you jerk your head back into wakefulness.

4. Travel blanket
Yes, airlines provide these but having your own is so much better.

5. Socks
Yes, socks. Big socks. They’re comforting, for some reason. Take your shoes off.

6. Entertainment
Take a good book (easy reads are best for long flights), some trashy magazines, your iPod, whatever. Staring out the window into nothingness can be fun, but not for the whole 12 hours.

7. Moisturizer
Skin gets dry in the blast of plane air conditioners. Use on hands, face and neck regularly. It helps.

8. Water and snacks
If you’re allowed. You’ll get served meals but what if you get hungry in the interim? Don’t get caught short.

9. Toothbrush and toothpaste
It helps you feel fresher, especially if you’ve just woken after taking #1.

10. Stretch
Even though there’s little room to move, you can do your joints a favor by getting up occasionally and doing a few calf stretches. Don’t put too much stuff under the seat in front of you, either; every bit of space counts.

Got any other tips for making long-haul flights more bearable? Leave a comment.